Shams
Chief Executive of Unsolicited Opinions
Loud, warm, and wrong with total confidence.
- Naps per day
- 14
- Doors opposed
- All
- Qualifications
- 0
An entertainment company run by two cats
Two cats.Zero qualifications.Unlimited opinions.
Your pet thinks they're special. We'd like a word.
Believe in yourself. Even when there's absolutely no evidence you should.Your meeting could have been an email. Your email could have been ignored.If life gives you lemons, knock them off the table.You miss 100% of the naps you don't take.Rest is productive. I am the most productive creature you know.Set boundaries. Then sit exactly on the edge of them.Dream big. Scream louder. Eat at 4am.Not every thought deserves to be said out loud. Most of yours, for example.
Today's unwanted wisdom
Issued daily. Refunds never.
Your pet
thinks they're
- a genius
- a predator
- the CEO
- invisible
- a supermodel
- misunderstood
- the main character
- in charge
They are not. Let's discuss.
The judgment board
Every pet that walks in gets rated. Tap the board to see the latest casualties.
Put your pet on the boardLive from the living room. Updated whenever Shams screams.
How judgment works
Four steps, about forty seconds. Emotional recovery not included.
The playground
Things to do here instead of the work you were meant to be doing.
In training
Pet Career Assessment
A job title, a fictional salary and a performance review your pet will not survive.
In training
Daily Pet Horoscope
Mercury is in retrograde. Something expensive is about to hit the floor.
Meet your judges
Full profiles
Alam
Head of Silent Judgment
Says nothing. Means everything.
- Slow blinks
- ∞
- Fur on black clothes
- Yes
- Patience
- Low
Cat chronicles
True stories from the household, told by the only reliable narrators in it.
- 14 Oct
Interior design · ShamsThe AED 300 bed incident
Human spent AED 300 on a luxury bed. I have selected the box it arrived in. Financial literacy is clearly not her strength.
- 9 Oct
Career · ShamsI attended a board meeting
Sat on the keyboard during the quarterly review. Unmuted everyone. Received more engagement than the slides.
- 2 Oct
Legal · AlamA statement regarding Tuesday
I was placed in a carrier against my will and taken to a man who touched my teeth. I will be filing a complaint with nobody.
- 27 Sep
Wildlife · AlamThe bird has returned
Same bird. Same window. Same chattering. Shams has learned nothing. I watched the whole thing from the sofa, unmoved.
- 20 Sep
Fashion · ShamsMy cowboy era
They put a hat on me for a photo. I have decided to keep it. I now answer only to Sheriff. Alam has been deputised without consent.
- 12 Sep
Sport · ShamsTracksuit season is upon us
Three stripes. Zero workouts. Alam stood behind me the entire shoot, silently filing a complaint about the colour green.
Exhibit A through L
Drag them, throw them. They've done worse to your furniture.
Crimes on file
A sample of offences on record. Go on, knock them about. Shams would.
Think your pet can survive our judgment?
Free, no sign-up, and we don't keep your photo.
Get them roasted